Finding my religion

Friday Feb 27th, 2009. Nikkei: + 2.21%

I had an interesting week reading all the reactions I received on my piece on "Slumdog millionaire." One of them called me an "ash-whole," another came up with "full-idiot." Interesting choice of words, that.

I must confess I had not informed the readers that all comments on this blog are deleted.
Nevertheless, I'm grateful for every opportunity to expand my vocabulary, so please keep writing in.

Speaking of confessions: I have another one. I have this week discovered Catholicism! Here's how this came about.

Every season has it's traditions and this time of the year there is carnival. Or rather: there isn't, as Zürich is not well known for its carnivalesque spirit. The kanton is protestant officially, and apart from one or two private and small-scale initiatives, carnival glides by as unnoticed as a float in the Nullabor desert.

Not so in Luzern, one hour to the south, for example, where the majority is catholic and carnival, or Fasching or Faschnacht, is celebrated in all its glory and people either have or take days off.

It's an interesting phenomenon which, unless you have been brought up with it, I suppose you can never really understand. I mean, I can see the appeal of going out, having fun, drink a bit too much and then sleep with whoever comes your way, but do you really need to plan this in committees for months in advance? And another thing: what's the point in wearing those silly masks? Do you keep them on during the adultery for fear of recognition?

I tried to get to the bottom of it in a discussion with an otherwise lovely German woman with whom I slept for a while even when there was no fancy dress party going on.
"You're someone else for a few days," she said. "That's what it's all about. And because you're someone else, you feel free to do things you wouldn't normally do. At least I wouldn't", she hastened to add in what I hope was an attempt to reassure me.

I got it. Because you put on a silly costume and look like, say, Bart Simpson or a hot dog, you can't be held responsible for your actions, since you obviously must have gone gaga. Makes sense. Or does it....?

It seems to do the trick for many people, as this festival of debauchery is widely scattered around the globe, and even appear to be in some sort of competition with one another. It's all about the most famous (Rio), the most colourful (New Orleans' Mardi Gras), the second most famous (Santa Cruz de Tenerife according to some, Venice according to others) and the most drunken one (Cologne or Dusseldorf, that's still undecided).

I noticed that all these places are predominantly catholic, but my friend claims that it is in fact a feast of pagans, which makes it all the more catholic, I suppose.

Because, having looked at various religions, I have now come to find out that Catholicism is the one that makes life most livable, since they seem to have two standards for almost anything.

Many true followers, for example, do not practice what their pope preaches, and openly declare not to agree with his statements, proclamations and, most of all, his interpretations of what is forbidden in the name of God. However, they almost never criticise the pope directly. Funny, that.

The other thing is the concept of heaven and hell, and even purgatory (a sort of premium-economy in the afterlife, as it were). Although in itself not unique, nor exclusively catholic, they go by the assumption that almost any sin can be forgiven, as long as you realise it and show remorse. This would theoretically allow Hitler, Khomeini, Bin Laden and Bush to still earn a reasonably comfy place in heaven, provided they realise the consequences of each and everyone of their actions. For some of the above mentioned characters, this may take a while for obvious reasons.

In summary, as in most other religions, the bottom line is: don't. But if you must, then confess as soon as possible afterwards. I find this rather practical.

In my next life, I'm going to be a Catholic. Until then, I'll just dress up as one.