Reality check

Wednesday, Oct 29th, 2008 BEL20 + 6.56%
10.19

Paul comes over to my desk. I can see his desk from where I'm sitting, when I turn my head slightly. And I had noticed an increased interest from over there. His head turning away just a little too late, the woman opposite (who frankly I'd prefer to talk to, but she does not work for me) glancing in my direction. Something's definitely up. I dread to think what it might be. I have this meeting at eleven and need to prepare some Excel sheets, a good opening sentence, one or two explanations and a plausible excuse for a cock-up. But, as it appears, no such luck.

"Can I talk to you for a moment"? Silly question. You are talking to me, and it's likely to be longer than a moment. But do go on. I'm here anyway.
"It's rather personal. Or perhaps private". Paul is very proud of his English. I don't blame him. My German is okay, but not more than that. To show my sympathy, I gesture to a nearby meeting room.

"See, I haven't had a pay rise for three years now...."
Oh God, here we go.
It's appraisal time. The bad news is that I have my once-a-year opportunity to tell my team I love them (so that they will stay) and at the same time convey the message so carefully given to me by my boss that unfortunately, due to market circumstances, there is no room for to provide my beloved resources with a bit of extra support to fight the inflation (so that they will leave, given half a chance). The good news is, there is no such thing as half a chance. The credit crunch has decended in full force and (shame, oh bloody shame) did not skip Switzerland this time. On the contrary. Our largest competitor got hit really hard and as a consequence their staff is knocking on our doors with alarming frequency, persistence and desperation. I quickly decide not to waste my remaining 39 minutes explaining this to Paul, although he is a good project leader. I will tell him to switch on his telly, read the papers and get a life.
But then, in the nick of time, I hesitate.

Suddenly I'm back in the course I had last year. "Advanced Leadership" or something similar. And the year before that, although that one was called differently then. The practice sessions on "how to...." and the first practical hints flash in front of me."Don't sit opposite, but around corners. Don't interrupt or break eye contact. Don't give in to anything, but do give the impression that you take them seriously. Remember, they are your most important assets."

While Paul talks, I realise he has a wife and children, unlike me. Equally unlike me, he has been in the same position for four years now. Paul likes stability. Except, so it would appear, when it comes to his salary. I sympathize. It could be more. He did not do too badly this year. But I have no budget and five other Pauls to appraise. Or more precisely: three Pauls and two Paulines. Or is it Paulettes?

He has been going on for twelve minutes now, and I really need to get moving. I nod, mumble "I see", "hm", and "of course" and let him finish one of his sheer endless sentences. Then, as he stops to grasp some air, I cease the opportunity.

"I understand your position Paul. And believe me, I wish I could give you good news. But I can't. We don't have the means at the moment. You know what it is out there. But let me reassure you of one thing. The moment things get stabilised, I want to have another conversation. There is no way we would have been where we are today were it not for you. I want you to realise that." And so on and so forth.

But I don't say that. Instead, in a flash of reality, selfishness and panic (7 minutes to my meeting now, and there is a board member in there, for chrissakes) I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "A pay rise. Hum. Have you visited the planet Earth lately?"

The reaction is one that amazes me more than anything else. For a moment he freezes and gazes at me in utter astonishment. Then he burst out in a nervous laugh, turns around and says: "Well, it was worth a try..."
See? Get a life.

Now I remember: it's Paula.